Okay - think it's bad I married my sister's husband's brother? Check THIS out...wow

So - I don't even know how to start this. Here's the deal.

While checking-out, just before closing, a customer commented on my smile. He was glad to see me happy and smiling this time of night. He said it reminded him of "Abigail" and asked if I was like this (Smiley) a lot.

So I bite.

"Who is Abigail?" I ask.

"My wife."

"Oh."

"Yeah," he says, "She was horrible. We shouldn't have gotten married. My 2nd wife had just died and Abigail had just gotten a divorce and neither of us should have gotten involved so soon."

Over the next 30 minutes - even after my reminding him the store is about to close, hence the lights turning off - he told me the story (and told me to look for the book).

Back in the day - he is now 60 years old - he was newly married and needed extra money. He'd learned he could get money with every deposit to a sperm bank. He must have made a lot of money, because not long ago somebody sued somebody else and donations were traced to him. In addition to the 6 boys he raised, he has 29 OTHER sons and six daughters. Many of the sons were Soldiers - as he once was. He figured 'Soldiering' must run in his genes. He showed me his fake leg, thanks to injuries sustained in Viet Nam. Nice leg.

He told of finding out about a son he'd 1/2 fathered, growing up in an east-coast jewish family. The boy moved away to college where the love of his life was a west-coast protestant girl. After their baby was born with Sickle-Cell, the testing showed their relation - they have the same father. Word is, the couple stayed married, but had no other children.

He figures he could likely have 300 children around the world, and he welcomes each who contacts him, and would welcome those yet to track him down.

Back to his 2nd wife. She was killed in a car accident, along with their 8-week-old baby. After the death a knock on the door brought him face to face with men asking about a 'hit' on his wife. See, his 2nd wife was in the Witness protection program - unbeknownst to him - and seems likely it wasn't "no [sic] accident."

Abigail was bipolar. But not the first bipolar woman in his life. His dear mother shared the affliction. She was all over the place. One day, he complained about dinner so she stabbed him with a knife. Nothing says LOVE like a Shun stuck in one's shin. He'd have none-of-that, so he stabbed her back. She spent the rest of her life - after that event - in a "funny farm." Mommy-dearest was overheard talking to a daughter-in-law about how she should have killed that boy (My customer) when he was little.

Wife number 4 - Remember the whole Woody whatshisface deal and his adopted daughter? Yup. Before he married wife number 4 he had to first UN-adopt her. He wasn't married to the woman's mother - but was listed on the woman's birth cirtificate as a 'favor' to the mother.

His life extended beyond Alabama. Recently, as a contractor in Iraq he and a woman were caught in a fire-fight and thought they were going to die. The woman agreed to have 'one last fling' if he'd promise to marry her. He dove right in. As you can guess, he didn't die. Nor did she. AND they didn't marry.

But....Kid number forty-FIVE is now on the way.

Only in Alabama.

Abby wasn't the only

So - this guy walks in

Tonight a guy walked in - I've chatted with him before - and I say "Hey! How are you doing?".
He replied "Hey - there you are! I haven't seen you in awhile." I told him i've been around - usually in Returns, but tonite I was working a regular register. He seemed to have switched gears, "Man you look good!" I could feel myself blushing as I thanked him, then said "So - What are you up to tonite - what are you working on?" as he stared at me.

"I had to get tile spacers - working on a tile job" he explained. "I already have them - didn't want to walk all the way down here so I checked out there (wherever was close to him when he purchased). I asked about you, and they said you were down here."

"Yep" I replied starting to feel nervous, "They just put me wherever they need me."

"Oh, they just throw you around, huh?" he said.

"Yes - I suppose" I replied.

"I'd like to throw you around." he confessed

Awkward silence....
.
.
.
Then he continued "mmmm-mmmmmmm! you look good" he repeated.

By this time I was hoping - no - praying for another customer to get into my line to save me from having to continue this conversation.

He didn't let me off the hook. "So - when are your days off?"
I managed a pause while thinking "Varies really - changing from week to week."

He got bolder. "I'd like to take you out!"

Showing my ring-finger nervously, "I'm married!" i said.
"Well," he fired back "so am I!"

Now i'm gasping and laughing and blushing as I manage to say "...and I have kids!"
He guesses "3(kids)?". I correct him with "No, two - do you have any kids?"

He might have been running out of lines because he went back to "Mm-MM you look good. What a waste!"

"Well", I injected, "My husband doesn't think so!"

"What a waste - just one man (gets to be with you)! That could change ya, know."

"I don't think so..." I said sternly yet managing to hold my smile.

Mercifully, another customer walked up to check out. When he saw the other customer he said "Well, I'll check back later, maybe you won't be married then - who knows?"

Life behind the Apron

Good day.

My name is Mary. I'm a mother of two who has recently ventured out into the workforce. I can't say it's a dream job, but I've spent the last year working at a home improvement store. I hope to use this blog to share my adventures coping with thieves, corporate regulations, and inter-workplace relations. I'm exhausted tonite - just got home from work and will head to bed now. Check for my first real entry tomorrow...or the next day.